Diamond Geezers, Episode 81: Heroes Rise
Well fine.
It was always a bit of a pipe dream, but it would have been quite a shot in the arm to tempt Falcao to Irthlingborough. Especially as my striking department has some serious questions to be asked of it at the moment; Karadas and Parkin have both performed superbly alongside Javan, but my second-favourite Swede isn’t quite firing on all cylinders. Unhappy at the start of the season because he perceived too much competition, he then started moaning about being substituted, which led to the press reporting a rift between us. We held hands and smiled together in public, but we both know the truth: all of this, even though his morale still says Very Good, means that our top scorer from the last two seasons is well off the boil. 44% Shot Accuracy isn’t reliable enough in the Premier League, and while I realise we’re only four games in, Karadas and Parkin both have 100% — and they’re scoring goals. My patience with Javan can’t last forever. During our standard pre-match carb-load in the Nene Way canteen, I notice he keeps missing his mouth and forking himself in the face. Susan — grab your jug for the journey. Music helps me think.
We’re on the road to Leicester to meet a Foxes side that have hardly set the division alight with their start to the season after just one win in four — but those three points did come away at Chelsea, so as always, there’s a need to guard against complacency. As Chugger rumbles northwards, my tactical magnetic whiteboard is getting the workout of its life as I try to figure out how to line us up. We’ve got Northampton next, which is an opportunity for some fringe players to get a workout, but Javan is struggling for form and in desperate need of goals. As such, I decide to earn my meagre wages and make a big call.
João Paiva has impressed me enormously in recent weeks with his performances for the reserves and Portugal U21s, so I’m giving him his first start for the mighty Diamonds alongside Parkin, who I can’t drop after scoring three goals in three appearances. Tough on Karadas, who has been excellent himself, but he’s on a very aggressive bench alongside new boy Paulo Sousa, Farnerud and Javan. Källström drops out of the squad altogether to make way for the calming experience of Ronald De Boer in the central pivot, and I decide I want the pace of Philippe Mexès in the team to deal with Leicester’s forward duo of Dean Sturridge and Ade Akinbiyi, who are both absolutely rapid.
I’m taking a huge risk here, and I know it, but I want to play Javan against nearby neanderthals Northampton Town so that he can hopefully grab a couple of goals and restore his confidence heading into the brutal October schedule that’s going to see us face Spurs, United, Chelsea and Liverpool in succession. And if not, maybe Paiva will emerge as a usurper to Javan’s throne in the meantime? Yeah? That sounds… plausible.
Leicester keeper Patrik Andersson has looked sketchy in his first four games and is also sporting the ‘Unh’ label as we kick this game off, but he pops my optimism balloon after five minutes as João Paiva gets clear after a Hysén through pass, Andersson saves his initial drive, then falls at my striker’s feet to smother the second ball. It’s disappointing that he’s still got enough morale to ruin our start to the afternoon, but I’m instantly pleased with Paiva. Could this be his time?
João continues to be a nuisance up front, Leicester have a few sighters on goal snuffed out by my defenders, and then Mike Duff decides to open his legs down the right flank. He gets all the way to the byline and cuts back across the box, behind Paiva and Parkin, but Byron Bubb has made a trademark run from deep, and arrives late to smash the ball high past Andersson and in for 1–0 to the mighty Diamonds!
Filbert Street is silenced, but David Dunn almost ties the scores instantly — only a smart save from Chiotis keeps him at bay after he wins a header against Mexès from an Etherington corner. Our swarthy French duke heads the second dead ball away as far as Sam Parkin, who brings it down and lays inside for Hysén to drive from the edge of the box!! Ooooh, great save Andersson. It’s a corner, which Byron Bubb takes — Jamie Victory can’t get a look in these days, apparently — he swings it into the box, Marcel Mahouvé is already flying through the air like a derailed steam train, everyone takes cover behind the posts, and our great Destroyer is left with a simple header into an empty goal. I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened. Don’t quote me.
2–0 up and looking good, apart from Mexès and Victory, Leicester then start to find a footing in the game — and we’re very grateful to Dion in nets, who saves from Sturridge and Anders Svensson as the half draws to a close. Paiva smashes another shot over the bar just before the break, but in the end, the half finishes 2–0 to the good guys.
I decide to put Karadas on for Mexès, who’s done nothing except lose headers to diminutive midfielders so far, in the hope that he might add some steel to our rear guard. It works almost completely: Leicester only manage one further shot on target from Ade Akinbiyi, which Chiotis saves superbly once again; Alex Farnerud comes on for De Boer and is a nuisance, forcing Andersson into a fingertip save; the calming presence of Paulo Sousa retains the ball expertly to close the game down, and eventually, a happily uneventful second half finishes with very little action at either end.
Solid performances in general across the board, another three points in the bag, and my gamble, while not a spectacular success, certainly wasn’t the disaster I expected it to be.
I didn’t realise that Arsenal drew their last game with Crewe a few days ago, so a quick check in with the state of the league table makes for pretty satisfying reading. I might take a minute to bask in this, if you don’t mind.
I also have £100k offer for Barnsley left-back Chris Barker accepted after my scouts recommend him as an exciting prospect. Some comparisons leave me impressed: on star rating, he’s better than Jamie Victory and looks on par with our very best full-back, with not dissimilar attributes. Might I have found the left-footed Mike Duff? For £100k and a low weekly wage, I think it’s worth the gamble.
However, my transfer dealings aren’t yielding all good news. Sergey Nikiforenko doesn’t get his work permit, as I suspected he wouldn’t, so instead I bring him in on trial so he can enjoy the sights and sounds of Irthlingborough for a couple of weeks anyway. I’m sure the lad is desperate to come here… maybe if I offer him a new four-week trial every month for five years, he can get a British passport? Sounds like a plan.
There’s very little time to complete all my business before the players and staff from Northampton Town skulk into reception at Nene Park for our forthcoming League Cup game. There was a time when these local derbies were fierce, combative affairs that could go either way, but not any more. Manager Kevin Wilson has been in charge at the Cobblers throughout my tenure here, and it must kill him to watch their little neighbours eclipse his side entirely and sit perched atop the Premier League as they arrive for what would be a giant-killing if they pulled off a win. We’ll have to be on our guard, of course, because I’m certain there’s nothing they’d enjoy more.
However, because we’re only two days removed from Leicester, I have no choice but to rotate my entire outfield ten; those who started at Filbert Street are stuck at around ~80% fitness, so I wouldn’t pick them even if I wanted to. So, today’s game will see full home debuts for Paulo Sousa and Danny Granville, Phil Creaney comes up from the reserves to take his place alongside Källström and Farnerud in midfield, and Meysam Javan returns to the team alongside Cherno Samba. It’s a fully changed side that even sees big Hugo back in between the sticks, but if we’d had this eleven in Division Two, we would have walked it. I see no reason why we shouldn’t do the same to the Cobblers today.
It’s exactly the mauling it should be. Meysam Javan is a man reborn, tormenting Northampton for the entire game — and it’s his half-volley from a Källström centre that makes the score 1–0 at half time, after an opening period that’s almost all white and blue. The game is reminiscent of that battering we got from Barcelona, but with the roles reversed — this time we’re the ones coming forward in waves, and the commentary bar is only claret when the Cobblers are desperately scrambling the ball away. They do a decent job of it, to be fair, until half time — but the second period, as their Division Two legs start to tire, is even more one-sided.
Javan notches his second just after the break, heading home a cross from Paulo Sousa, before my midfield spend almost forty minutes tormenting the ageing Northampton axis of David Batty and Vinny Samways, collectively slower than most tectonic plates — and it’s genuinely amazing that Creaney doesn’t score after hitting four shots on target by himself. Espen Baardsen, however, spoils his day with a quartet of spectacular saves. Not to be outdone, Creaney takes the corner that results from his final shot on target and puts it right onto the face of Hélder Rosário, who plants a header past Baardsen to make it 3–0 and complete the scoring. A very comfortable, happy, routine win against the knuckle-draggers, and it’s great to see Javan back amongst it.
The three days between the end of this game and the arrival of Birmingham City simply fly past with hardly any time to get anything meaningful done. There are more international call-ups for both my veterans, with De Boer and Sousa making the Netherlands and Portugal squads respectively, and my young guns, with Karadas, Källström and Mexès winning the chance to get some senior caps and Paiva, Farnerud and Bovo reaching their Under-21 sides — but still nothing for the English contingent, even though there are upcoming games against Bulgaria and FYROM for the Three Lions. Mike Duff has got a job displacing John Curtis as first-choice right back, apparently.
However, it’s time to stop navel gazing about the injustices meted at my English superstars and start preparations for the Blues. Trevor Francis and his team arrive mid-table having lost to Spurs, Liverpool and Man Utd, but beating Wolves and Sunderland — so it seems they’re in about the right spot. They’re coming into this one off the back of a very disappointing 1–1 League Cup draw with Division Three’s Kidderminster Harriers, and I’m hoping their confidence is dented sufficiently that we can punch a hole right through it this afternoon.
To that end, it’s back to my strongest side, which features a reinvigorated Meysam Javan up front with Sam Parkin. I do feel greatly for Azar Karadas, who’s done nothing except get injured at a crucial time to lose his place in the side, but given my uncertainty over who my second-best centre-back is alongside Jamie Carragher, he might well find himself back in the starting team before long. Rosário did well last time out, so he can keep his place for now, but I’m not sure he’s proper Premier League quality, and both Papoutsis and Mexès have flattered to deceive so far this season. The Frenchman in particular, who’s looked out of his depth every time he’s been on the pitch, and I’m actually starting to worry that his “SWC” position might mean he isn’t actually capable of playing in a back four. I’ll worry about that later though; for now, we need to show the Rushden Ultras we’re worthy of our spot at the top of the table.
The opening exchanges are cagey, with ten minutes passing without any shots on target as a result of both teams making timely challenges — but suddenly, the deadlock is broken. Brum winger Garba Lawal is allowed to advance far too far forward down our right-hand side, and he digs out a deep, far-post cross for Nolberto Solano to catch on the volley and fire past Chiotis to give the away side a 1–0 lead. I’m perturbed but not too annoyed, as we’ve got enough game left to turn this around as long as we don’t concede again quickly — and despite my wild gesticulations on the touchline, we’re grateful to Chiotis for blocking an Andy Johnson half-volley just minutes later.
With my defence wobbling, I’m concerned that we might concede again without reply as I watch Byron Bubb smash a long-range effort into the Ultras behind the goal, and when Tim Cahill and Gavin McCann combine in the middle to play a through ball towards Johnson I almost clench myself into a sultana — but this time, Rosário intercepts, and nods down for Jamie Carragher. Carra takes a touch, looks up, and pings a raking 70-yard pass over the Birmingham defence, Byron Bubb has motored onto it, takes a touch… bang! It’s past Mark Bosnich, and our Young Player of the Decade has brought the scores level!
We reach the half at 1–1, and I’m getting just about sick of Jamie Victory now. I honestly can’t remember the last time he finished a half on anything more than a 6, so this time, considering the danger that Solano is posing down our left flank, I make a decision. Victory off, Carragher goes to left-back with no forward run instruction and man-marking duty on Nobby, and Azar Karadas comes into the heart of the defence to partner Rosário. It’s a big call, but necessary — we’re getting rinsed down the flanks every game, and Victory is the main culprit. Hopefully, for now, Carragher can reinforce the left.
The second half starts, and I’m happy to say that we start to create more. Bosnich saves from a spectacular Bubb half-volley, then pushes Mahouvé’s header over the bar from the resulting corner. We’re having our chances, but we can’t beat Birmingham’s Aussie stopper.
His saves seem to galvanise City, as I watch through my fingers as McCann hits a long-range sighter that Chiotis has to save, then Tim Cahill thumps a header against the crossbar. The Blues are suddenly making us sweat big-time, we’ve stopped having any impact on their goal, and Javan has disappointed me yet again by only managing to slash two shots wildly off-target so far. Just after the hour, I make another big move: Javan is off, and João Paiva is on. Meysam isn’t the hero we need right now.
De Boer picks up a Duff throw in and lays it off for Paiva to give him his first touch. He runs straight at the heart of the Birmingham defence, tries to beat Solano, but the Peruvian nicks the ball away from him. However, it falls to Duff wide on the right, who moves the ball out of his feet, looks up, and whips a perfect cross towards the penalty spot… João Paiva is there! PAIVA! GOAL DIAMONDS! JOÃO PAIVA! It’s his first senior strike, just seconds after coming on as a substitute!! YES! It’s 2–1!!
Naturally, it’s time to shut this game down. I cancel all forward runs and switch our mentality to Defensive for the last 20 minutes, and it creates exactly the kind of midfield warfare that I wanted. Mahouvé, Bubb and Källström are enormous in the centre, making tackles and tidying up to protect our defenders — and when Birmingham do break through, Karadas and Rosário are more than equal to everything they’ve got. The clock ticks away, Gerald Ashby blows his final whistle, and we’ve recorded another famous victory — maybe the most satisfying one so far.
It’s a wonderful result, we return to the top of the Premier League, and you know what? Let’s go to the Rose & Crown to celebrate. After all, next up, we start our crushing run of games against the biggest teams in the country, and I could do with a couple of preparatory sambucas. Plus… we’ve got a new member of the squad we need to break in.
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