Diamond Geezers, Episode 75: A Safe Pair Of Hands
I excitedly jiggle up and down next to the fax machine as Alex Manninger’s agent sends over their initial contract demands. Arsenal have accepted my £1m bid, almost half his asking price, and I’m only a swashbuckling bit of negotiation away from having a shiny new goalie to give the inconsistent Pinheiro something to think about next year.
The offer flops into my hand, and it’s eye-watering. They want a 6-year, £14,750 per week contract with a £450,000 signing on bonus. For my first proper bid of the window, in a position that isn’t our biggest priority, it’s an awful lot to ask. I go low, offering £9,500 per week and £150k signing on fee, but with a £2,500 clean sheet bonus that wasn’t in their original expectations. I hope dangling some performance-related cash in front of the Austrian will both commit him to signing, and make him think twice about flapping crosses into his own goal.
And speaking of contracts, I’ve come to a rather simple agreement with Marcel Mahouvé to keep him at the club until 2007. His deal only had a year to run, and unable to comprehend life without our great Destroyer, I offered to put him up to Alex Manninger money so he wouldn’t leave us, and he accepts at the first time of asking. If there’s a player here who deserves to be one of our top earners, it’s Marcel.
Manninger rejects my lowball initial bid and comes back insisting he needs £14,750 per week and £450,000 in hard cash. I retaliate with £11,000 per week and £210k to sign on, plus a £0 relegation release fee just to sweeten the deal. I’m sure he knows that the mighty Diamonds aren’t going to get relegated, but you never know. His agent might not watch the telly.
Barcelona beat Roma 2–1 in the final of the UEFA Cup after a 118th-minute winner from Rivaldo. The very sight of Geovanni’s name gives me pins and needles in my eyes. It’s nice to see the Romans had to endure him as well. In a way, it’s comforting to know that we went out of two cups to the eventual winners, but damn, wouldn’t it have been incredible to have gotten all the way to the Olympiastadion. For now, we’ll keep dreaming of European finals. They’re in our future, I’m certain of it.
My scouts confirm my suspicions about Chelsea’s Sam Parkin — that he’s an excellent prospect who could make an immediate impact. You’re telling me. I move to offer him a contract, and I can’t believe my eyes when I see that he wants a long-term deal on just £5,750 per week. I hastily fax an offer to his agent with a glint in my eye. What a Bosman this would be.
My scouts return from their various excursions with all the news I expected: the players I like the look of are all excellent. Edwin Congo is definitely leaving Real on a Bosman at the end of the season, so with no other suitors, I won’t approach him just now. Players generally accept lower contract offers once they’re on free transfers, in my experience, so there’s no need to rush in just yet. My other scouted targets, including a tasty looking Allan Bak Jensen, are all outside of my bid range right now… but pretty soon, we should start seeing some of that Premier League TV money. When that happens, I’m going to be throwing notes around like confetti.
However, we won’t have enough to sign Maxim Tsigalko whatever happens. He signs a new five-year contract at Hertha Berlin, and his value jumps to £4.9m with no release clauses. I’m going to need megabucks to pry him away from the Germans. Tó Madeira is valued at £2.6m by Braga, so I offer them my entire £3.1m transfer kitty and pray they click Accept by mistake.
Then, my excitement reaches a peak. Sam Parkin has accepted my contract offer! We’re getting Sam Parkin on a free transfer! I click Accept, and move to confirm…
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.
I forgot about compensation fees for young players. Damn it all to hell. I got all frisky there as well; I’m going to need a long, cold shower.
I’m not sure what to do, since that’s going to end up being all my money. In fact, by the time he signs, we might not even have that much in the bank. I don’t think I can accept it. I’m going to have to hope and pray that he doesn’t sign a new deal with Chelsea, or anyone else, and leaves at the end of his deal. Gah. Just as I thought I was getting somewhere. To try to discourage others, I craftily press Delay to keep him committed for as long as possible. That’ll teach… whoever created the compensation rule.
While I’d never disclose it to the players, I’m concerned about my squad for the coming season. We’ve lost a few bodies and we’ll be losing a bunch more when their contracts run out, and they’re going to need to be replaced. I do a bit of scribbling and highlighting to figure out the extent of the problem, and it doesn’t make for great reading.
The yellow players would be okay in a pinch, but could do with being upgraded if the opportunity arises — and the reds are major problem areas where I don’t think I have anyone at the club who’s good enough to step in if injuries occur. Karadas could go back to centre-half to cover Rosário or Lucic if they were out, but then we’d be left with a massive hole up front. However, since good strikers are usually easier to find than top-class central defenders, especially on my budget, it could well be that Karadas spends most of the season at the back rather than up top. In a way, I would love to have him in my back four. Imagine our goal threat from corners.
Of course, this doesn’t account for any of the players in my reserves, but that’s because I’ve decided that none of them are 100% definitely ready for the big time. Cherno Samba has a shout for one of the striker slots, and in truth I’ll probably move him to the first team squad to replace Møller as our fourth-choice forward, but the fact is, the players on the list above who aren’t highlighted are the only ones I feel comfortable starting every week in the Premier League. And even Pinheiro only squeaks in until Manninger calms down and accepts a reasonable weekly wage.
I might also be being harsh on Aiden McVeigh. He’s always looked half-decent when he’s played for the first team, his attributes are actually developing pretty nicely, and just as I’m staring longingly at his photograph, Roar Hanset knocks on my door to tell me he thinks the young Northern Irishman looks like he’s got the potential to be a first-team player. You know what, Roar? I’ll take you at your word. I add McVeigh to the first team squad and decide to give him a shot in pre-season as Javan’s partner. Maybe Samba and McVeigh are the answers to my striking problems… I guess time, and my itchy new signing finger, will be the judge. I arrange a very, very early pre-season friendly against Arsenal in a week’s time to give him a run out against a quality opponent and see how he gets on.
An offer for Callum Davenport is knocked back by Sheffield United, so I go back with a slightly improved bid. He looks decent, and at 21, would be a great prospect for the future if we can nab him. I look at Christian Wilhelmsson, but not only does he want a boatload of cash, he’s not that impressive. He can hardly get into the Stabaek team, after all. I think I’ll pass for now. Taribo West is valued at £3m by Standard Liège and even though he wants to leave, they refuse the offer of everything in my wallet, so he’ll have to wait until we see some of that telly cash. He’s 30 years old, but still an absolute beast.
And with that, I’m also named Manager of the Year! I did just take Rushden and Diamonds into the Premier League, so yeah, I’ll take it. Thanks.
I get a note that a young man by the name of Kostas Papoutsis is named Greek Second Division Player of the Season — high praise indeed. Valued at just £150k, I can see him being a decent addition to my groaning back line, which is in desperate need of reinforcement. I tempt Iraklis with a £250k bid. He’s not the quickest, but he’s got fantastic numbers in key areas, and I’ve got a good feeling.
I also bid another £500k for my friend and yours, Raio Piiroja. He accepts quickly and everything is agreed; just like last summer, he won’t get a work permit, but you never know. He would be an excellent defensive player to have as long as someone at the DWP is having an off-day.
Fulham then surprise me with a £650k bid for Christian Kalvenes. Now, it’s true that I’ve soured on the Norwegian over the course of this season, and his contract — which has a year to run — isn’t going to be renewed. However, with all the players I’ve already got to try to find this summer, and with only really Daniel Talbot in reserve, I’m going to have to get good money for him in order to let him go. He cost £160k, so I think £1m would be a good return; I renegotiate the offer and await the news.
The transfer window bursts open, and moves start being made. Raio Piiroja doesn’t get his work permit, as expected, and Mattias Andersson also makes his £500k move to Tranmere Rovers, who have just been promoted to Division One. An immediate chance for the Swede to prove me wrong — good luck, you little git.
Also, we wave farewell, but not goodbye, to Billy McKinlay, who makes the shortish trip south to Craven Cottage. Mad Dog was another stalwart of this Diamonds side who’s been with us since Division Three, never let us down, and in fact paved the way for the likes of Marcel Mahouvé and Rhys Weston to continue cracking kneecaps even after his powers waned. An ageing trailblazer, he’s just turned 35 and is on his way to play Premier League football. A fantastic good news story for our rabid wolverine. Let’s hope we don’t have to put him down when we play the Cottagers later this year. Slàinte, my friend.
My scouts spot a certain Morten Gamst Pedersen still plying his trade at Tromsø, and recommend him as a good prospect. Still just a prospect? Well, with a £200k value and £600k release fee, he’s worth a punt. I bid £350k and wait to see what they say.
Then, suddenly, my already threadbare squad comes under attack from two rivalling transfer bids. First, Fulham meet my £1m valuation for Kalvenes, which I reluctantly accept. I’m going to need a whole new squad at this rate. Then, to my surprise, Newcastle come in with a £1.8m bid for Hugo Pinheiro. Now, it’s more than twice his in-game value, but there’s obviously no way I’m going to part with my inconsistent mammoth without a dinosauric offer. I tell them he’ll cost £8.5m, and cast a bit of side-eye in the direction of Shay Given just in case. I also make a precautionary £525k bid for Dionisis Chiotos — he isn’t playing at AEK Athens for some reason, so they might be open to a sale.
Surprisingly, that bid is immediately accepted, and Chiotos wants £9k per week. You got it, buddy! Widely regarded as one of the best goalkeepers you can buy, he’s been well-developed by AEK over the last few years — and that timely Newcastle bid for Hugo has caused me to accidentally swoop at exactly the right moment. To be honest, I’d forgotten all about him until just now.
I’m forced to wait to see what happens with all my transfer action as that friendly I organised with Arsenal is upon us. It’s just to see how McVeigh looks in my strongest team, alongside Javan. Obviously I’m not going to judge his entire career based on this game alone, but still, I’m curious. What have you got, lad?
He doesn’t do too badly, in truth. Considering the number of 5s and 6s you see, Aiden kept plugging away and finished on a 7, which is pretty good considering the company he was in. Okay. This was a good experiment. Mostly to remind me that Thierry Henry is going to be unplayable when we go to Highbury. Plus, look at the state of Marcel Mahouvé. What a player he is.
I’m also impressed, once again, with Phil Creaney when he’s given a chance. Perhaps he’s another young man I’ve overlooked too quickly. That’s two wonder goals in his last two appearances, and he generally looks at home amongst his illustrious peers. I shuffle him into the first team squad, at least until I can sign Andres D’Alessandro from River.
Right then, since we’re about to go all transfer crazy and the squad will soon need an overhaul, we might as well call it Player of the Season time! Here are the average ratings for the whole squad, and this year, I think the four choices will come from the top players by average rating — Javan, Mahouvé, Duff and Bubb. Seems fair to me, since I’d say, on balance, they’ve definitely been our most influential players. I know who my Manager’s Player of the Year is already, but you can vote for your Player of the Year in the Ballon D’iamond on Twitter!
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