5 days agoTake Me To Church, Ep 13: To Infinity< Episode 12 You may have noticed that it’s January, and as such, I’m even more active than usual in the transfer market. Those of you that remember back this far will know that in the year of our lord 2005, footballers’ contracts regularly become “unprotected”, which means… actually I…Soccer18 min readSoccer18 min read
Jan 16Take Me To Church, Ep 12: Big Ones< Episode 11 Five days after that stunning win against Welling, I’m still exhausted just from thinking about it. Not only the manner of the victory, against virtually all odds, but also the importance of it in this title race. I said it last time, and I’ll say it again…Football16 min readFootball16 min read
Jan 9Take Me To Church, Ep 11: Arrival< Episode 10 It’s a quiet drive home from Maidenhead after that loss. I’m not too disheartened, in truth; we were, once again, the better side. You’ve got to focus on that at the end of the day. Losing is part of this nonsense — as long as your players…Football Manager19 min readFootball Manager19 min read
Dec 19, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 10: Tolley Booth< Episode 9 As the proud owners of a new 1994 lime green Ford Transit minibus with just 240,000 miles on the clock — it’s new to us, okay? — we’re buoyed by the fact that we can all drive to games together rather than having to jump in separate…Comedy Writing11 min readComedy Writing11 min read
Dec 12, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 9: The Old One-Two< Episode 8 I give the players as long as they want to wind down and celebrate their recent form after the Weymouth game. I have been leading by example, after all — I’m pretty sure I’m the most hungover person in the history of Hornchurch Football Club, and therefore…Football Manager13 min readFootball Manager13 min read
Dec 5, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 8: The Rovers Return< Episode 7 With a big shout out to the Coronation Street Ultras, we begin today with preparations for the visit of Bristol Rovers to The Stadium in what is easily the biggest game of my tenure. …Comedy Writing12 min readComedy Writing12 min read
Nov 28, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 7: Midfield, General< Episode 6 Steven Watt and Adam Birchall’s loan deals are coming up soon. I ask Chelsea and Arsenal if I can renew them with my most politest voice, and as expected, they scoff at me through their caviar sandwiches. That means we’ll lose Watt after our next game against…Football13 min readFootball13 min read
Nov 21, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 6: A Wing and a Prayer< Episode 5Football14 min readFootball14 min read
Nov 14, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 5: Fiddler on the Roof< Episode 4 Sarge and I head to The Raj of India on Upminster Road to celebrate that comeback win over Grays; he’s become something of a well-paid confidant to me since my two assistant managers are always bickering over who gets to move the little magnetic pieces around my…Football14 min readFootball14 min read
Nov 7, 2022Take Me To Church, Ep 4: Something Old, Something New< Episode 3 I awoke several hours later in a daze. After the disappointment of that last-minute draw against Weston-super-Mare, the long, silent journey back to London, and a night of pickling my internal organs in the Windmill with Jorge and Sarge — who can really stick pints away, you…Football10 min readFootball10 min read